I created a playlist for my friends upon leaving Tucson last month entitled "Another Iteration." There was no goodbye. There was no belief that I was magically manifesting a new destiny or "new" me. I believe in magic. I don't believe in magical solutions, and I don't say goodbye to people I love. I do acknowledge that the way we interact and the spaces we inhabit will be different, but I can't quite see things as true "beginnings" or "endings" any more. Life is a little too fluid for that. And I'm grateful for this perspective. And I'm grateful for the realization that many of the best moments are in the spaces in between...in between here and there and where I am and where I am going. We're all in motion, and I am in such beautiful company. I wrote a note to a friend a couple of weeks ago that said, "It seems that it's all simply a process of letting go." The response I received was a simple, "yes."
This past month has been one of constant readjustment and some pretty intense moments of...not clarity (I'm acknowledging that clarity, for me, requires a little more stasis than I've had of late), but deep breaths, breakdowns and breakthroughs (I'm hard-pressed to tell the difference between these two any more), singular experiences, frivolous experiences, and laughter that comes from a deeper place than it has in a while. Changing my geographical location will never solve anything in itself (I manage to bring myself everywhere I go), but the freshness of new surroundings? The realization that routines are not familiar, that navigation has become problematized and complicated? For me, this leads to realizations that I don't reach in other ways. And it reminds me of the importance of letting ourselves be exactly who we are in any given moment.
Some e.e. cummings that struck me recently:
"To be nobody but
yourself
in a world which is doing its best
day and night
to make you like everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle
which any human being can fight
and never stop fighting."
I like the idea of each of us fighting to be exactly us. And to be willing to support one another in doing just this. That, to me, is love. I guess it all is.
