I received a text message today from a man I met recently. He told me that he had jumped out of a plane--a first in a series of firsts for him since his divorce last year. I realized that what had been plaguing me in the past weeks, as I embarked on a series of work trips that alternately exhausted and invigorated me, is that I am looking for less redundancy and more new experiences in my life. I don't want to do things for the sake of their being "new" or "different," but I also don't want to fall back into patterns of too much work and sacrifice and not enough play and frivolity. However, I'm also recognizing that much of what was causing the feeling of redundancy was my mindset.
What I want is to make certain I move forward through time being very purposeful about how and why I spend my time and energy--as well as the frame of mind I'm cultivating while doing so. I don't think I'm alone in this, and I also think it's one of the most challenging aspects of life.
I've flown about the country this summer for a variety of reasons, and each offered something beautiful, challenging, and that taught me greater patience. I also realized, however, that I am in need of tending to the world I inhabit for the bulk of my time. I'm approaching the beginning of a new school year (tomorrow) and I realize that the patterns I build in my everyday life are what are going to define how I feel and, ultimately, are much more important than any planned vacation or escape. My day to day reality is what is my life for the most part. What I want is a continued focus on what's surprising and beautiful, unique and powerful right here, right now. I don't want to miss out on my world because I'm looking for something "bigger" that removes me from it. It's a pretty big life I live. I need to remember this.