Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Unchained and Unfettered

I was just feeling constrained by a deadline and a task that I have been struggling to complete this week, and as I bemoaned yet another evening of writer's block, I realized, yet again:  I chose this; I'm writing this narrative I'm living; I'm the only one making these decisions.  AND, no matter who we are,  no matter what our life conditions are, this is true.  There is always a choice.  

One of my favorite moments of late was a concrete feeling that I had no one to blame but myself for ANYTHING.  Let me qualify this, though:  I'm not blaming myself for anything, nor do I want to change anything.  This feeling was in reaction to a concrete experience that reminded me that I own every decision I make, every reaction I have, and every feeling I dwell in.  I also realized that blame and victimhood is so pervasive in our culture that it's hard to escape the narrative.  People all around us buy in at any given time--hell, I've done my share of paying the price of this.  It's so boring.  The counter-narrative--free will, ownership, agency--is somehow less popular (possibly because it requires us to acknowledge full responsibility for ourselves), but it's a hell of a lot more fun.

I think we should celebrate this counter-narrative.*  How about a few, "Hell yes I just fully screwed up...and guess what?  The world did not come to an end!!"  How about, "Hell, yes, I just did something so awesome it surprised even me!"  How about, "This is really who I am and I'm not afraid to let you see this...and if I am?  That's okay too."

*Please know that I am not at all intending this to be a statement that relates to critical race theories, nor am I intending to make light of social inequities.  We all know that the growing distance between haves and have nots is exponential and tragic.  I am appropriating this idea for those of us who inhabit a privileged space and who sometimes forget.

"Burn through the fog, break through the facade. Dissolve all the walls just let em all fall. Shake off the chains till they all fall away. Feel the lotus unfold inside the ribcage" - MC Yogi

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