I've been listening to Brandi Carlisle's "The Eye" on repeat of late. I get fixated on songs sometimes, finding they offer up mantras, messages, reminders…comfort in the repetition, for whatever reason. She reminds me that "I am a sturdy soul, and there ain't no shame in lying down in the bed you made."
There's a fabulous gallows humor occurring in Juneau of late regarding rainfall--"The warmest January on record" has left snow sports in the dust (or moss, as the case may be). People are apologizing for the weather--"Usually it's…so much nicer…there's more to do…there's more sun…" We joke about building arks. And, the humor is just one more indication of the utter strength of character present in folks here.
I've had momentary flashes of "what have I gotten myself into?" But they are followed by moments of fabulous laughter with a beautiful new friend; a rainy hike out to the beach; a moment of silence punctuated only by the trickle of a waterfall. These gifts? Priceless and inexplicable. And I know I've only just begun here: "Can you fight the urge to run for another day? You might make it further if you learn to stay."
I will always have them, these urges to move on; They are as much a part of me as any appendage. I am appreciating, fully (even when I resist it), the practice that I came here for: to fully sink into a space that holds so much magic it's almost inconceivable, to let the reality of all that's come before simply be, and to allow myself a quiet space to breathe and expand back out. I was talking with a visiting artist at a dinner last week, and we were discussing the parallels between Alaska and New Mexico (where he lives and I've lived). And it brought into such clear relief, that this magic is what pulls me--it's tough to put a finger on, but you know it when you feel it. And once you do? It's so very hard to enter spaces where it's not present.
"You can dance in a hurricane, but only if you're standing in the eye." Dancing my way back to center, and feeling immense gratitude for those who are dancing along side.