Grief is an interesting process, and, as I've noted, I quite like being in control of my feelings, my life, well, I like being in control. So, this has been one more beautiful learning experience (and I'm not even being sarcastic).
It is interesting to watch what surfaces, to sit with it for a while, and to realize that sometimes all there is to do is cry it out. I've quit judging myself quite so harshly for the times when, really, the healthiest option is not to hop on my bike, run to yoga class or...sometimes it really is my bravest moment when I sit with sadness. Who knew?
Tonight I took Lyle for a hike and we stood above the city, watched the sun go down, and smiled. Those moments when the saguaro are the only audience, crows' wing-wisps are the only sound...things feel very very real and true. And that is more than enough. And my heart feels like it has only broken open wider so I can take all of this in.