Lyle Lovett, my sage, reminds me that this whole gig is nothing but a good ride..."there's something 'bout a sunrise waking up sleepy eyes...something 'bout a highway telling him he can't stay..." And I have to agree. And I feel like there's a really amazing sunrise in front of me reminding me that, yes, indeed, this is the "big show."
And I'm working on shaking patterns that I've fallen into...a need to be forever organized and not simply saying "fuck it, let's do it." I traded in my subaru last week (for another subaru, but, still...); I went to a wedding over the weekend and danced. I flew back into town and went directly to yoga with a friend of mine instead of agonizing over the fact that I wasn't quite prepared for work the following day. The most amazing part? It all got done. The day went beautifully. Students learned. I was relaxed. Who knew?
I am still in awe of how we, as a society, and as women, still place so much emphasis on finding someone to marry, and so much emphasis on romantic love. I have a difficult time believing that there is something missing in any of us that can be assuaged by getting married. I am pretty sure that if there's a hole that needs filling, it will still be there, or it will get bigger if we choose to embark on a journey with someone else without acknowledging it. I am pretty sure that the only people who can figure out what each of needs is us. I don't think that finding a guy (no matter how fabulous he is) is going to solve much. I keep wishing there were media messages feeding young women with the knowledge that they are the most awesome creatures ever, and that a partner is only someone who helps you be an even better you than you thought you could be--not that finding a partner is the only way to become a better you. I've never bought the whole fairy tale, nor have I ever thought there was someone out there who could "complete me." I am wholly aware of the fact that being in love is really really fun. No doubt. But to tie this to identity? I'm hoping we can find some ways to revise this narrative.